By Casey Hoskins
I love to dream. It is the pastime I choose when I am waiting in a doctor’s office with my son, or taking the back road into Boise, or as a way to avoid all the reality my brain likes to dwell on when I should be sleeping. That is my brain’s favorite pastime, bothering me with all the things I haven’t done or done well in the whole of my life, but I digress. I have come to know dreaming as the continual state for a creative mind.
I was given the incredible blessing of a heavy life. Hardships create opportunities to find the light and I have gotten pretty adept at it. Our son’s medical diagnosis kept me from holding a “real job” so I created one for myself instead. That really was the catalyst to me discovering my talent for dreaming up the 100 different ways I could occupy my time as a mompreneur. My redhead once did a sketch of how ideas look in my noggin, you know, because my constant talking about what creative adventure I could embark on next got comical. It basically equated to a parade with ideas marching down the main drag, holding up their sign for a quick cheer and quickly falling back into place while the next sign (idea) got its cheer. I think I still have the drawing somewhere. My daughter drew that as a way to explain my overthinking to me. I overthink and then I over talk and then I wind myself back around to overthinking. What, am I supposed to dwell on the heavy? Um, no. My goal and sole purpose in this life is to brighten my corner of the world as best I can. I do that by being what is perceived as a scattered mess of ideas. (I’ve been told this by my mother so it has to be true.) (She is probably reading this and deciding on whether or not to scold me for saying that…)
The point of that little story, and there is one, is that I am currently moving from what started as an incomplete dream (you thought I was going to say thought, ha!) to a moment of growth. Our middle child is about to embark on her new adventures as a grown child, which I will be talking about in a special edition coming out next week. Our son is in a good place health-wise, opening up a moment in time for me to focus on me. I am doing that by growing my business in a new and completely wonderful way. I am really good at the dreaming part, I definitely know how to work hard, but the reality of what growth feels like while you’re in it is not so great. I am writing this at 2 o’clock in the morning because of stress if that is any indication.
All my dreaming started with wanting a family, which led to having the family, which led to three of those family members growing up on me, to finally giving myself permission to dream for me. I am still a work in progress and hopefully all of this growth ends with a wiser, more grounded me. We’ll see. That’s it for me this week but I promise, I’ll have more ramblings for you soon.
