By Casey Hoskins
Summer love…as in I love that it is summer! Projects, gardens, bbqs, and finally the year of no bathing suit! No, I am not talking nudist colony (really?!), I’m talking about my kids not needing me to join in any water-related festivities. It is so nice! Finally, I can spend my summer days doing things that require power tools and hats instead of summer attire and activities that always cause regret. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a paddle board as much as the next guy but truth be told, I am dealing with some stuff this year and don’t need the extra mental and emotional strain.
Wow, that got a little serious and partly cloudy for a minute. Sorry, my goal is always to keep it at least partly sunny. What I mean is that I have two beautiful daughters and I feel like they have taken (I have given) all of my beauty…that I didn’t know I had to begin with! Confidence has never been my strong suite, nor has acceptance or grace for self. This year I am learning to add those things to my self-care list. You know, alongside learning woodworking and reading more. Life gets unbalanced at times and I have found that it sneaks up on you, like your husband trying to be funny and scares the crap out of you from around the corner. You know, I hit him almost every time he does that, you’d think he’d learn. I digress.
It has been years since….wait, nope, I’ve never had a “break” like I do right now. Our son, Ethan, is doing well, engaged in his own activities and both of my girls are off doing their own thing. For the first time ever, I get to put myself first! You know what this meant when I figured it out, right? It meant I started spending inordinate amounts of time at the shop trying to push myself harder. My brain didn’t go to those places like spa time, or sleeping in on the weekend, or taking myself shopping. That would’ve meant I was a more balanced human being. I think I have to be older to join that group. No, instead it got to the point where I needed to go see a doc about some stuff and found out I have stressed myself to my body’s limit. I don’t necessarily see it as a bad thing considering the pressures that have existed in my life but I do see that I can make a change and not feel guilt about putting my needs first for a change.
So, I have officially added walking and yoga to my daily schedule. Yes, I am scheduling it in because I have a need to control things and if I don’t put it into a time slot it won’t happen. My summer is not going to be about trying to get to a goal weight or ignoring my family’s needs to tend to myself. It is going to be about healing, accepting, and giving myself the grace that so many others have given me over the years. Just this weekend I have spent several hours outside sitting in my favorite chair enjoying my backyard. #winning (My girls are cringing at me putting that into my story. Ha!) I can only do what I can do and right now that doesn’t include living in past trauma, heavy times, or mistakes once made. I had my kids young which means I get to have a life a little earlier than the next guy and I’m not wasting it! Isn’t summer just the best time of year?!
