By Casey Hoskins
We’re talking about boundaries today people. I don’t know if you know this, but creating and keeping boundaries is the leading cause of adulting failure worldwide. Okay, that’s not an actual statistic, but it should be!
When your teenage daughters share a bathroom the size of a literal postage stamp (only slight exaggeration there) with you and your spouse, issues will arise. Our oldest daughter loved to dye her hair red, use my towel to dry her newly dyed hair, and leave red drips all over the floor and sink. Do you know how traumatizing that whole situation was?! It was red, in a bathroom! Oh my goodness. My husband would bark at her to clean up her (insert not-so-nice word here), and I would gripe at her to not use my towel. In turn, she would roll her eyes, expertly, I might add, give us some lip and disappear into her room for what felt like all of her senior year. Some boundaries needed to be implemented, and quickly before there was a death in the family.
We eventually got it figured out…she moved out. Ha! No seriously, we got her to see things our way for the most part…and eventually moved out. I bought towels in everyone’s favorite color so we all knew which was which, and all girls were to do their makeup in their bedroom. If you didn’t want to share shampoo you trucked your toiletries in and out just like in the military/dorm room/apartment with multiple roommates. My husband and I had to set these boundaries to keep our sanity and to teach our daughter some situational respect for others. Do you see what I mean though? These are all boundaries put in place to protect you, not to keep someone else in check.
My natural inclination is to open up myself and give whatever I have to the next person, but this is not a healthy way to do things. It isn’t a bad way but it leaves too much to be cranky over in the long run. This was brought to my attention when I was a young adult and many times over the years. It happened again recently, taking me a minute to realize that it was okay, even needed. I am very (VERY) hard on myself and keep sky-high expectations for myself. When it was brought to my attention that some boundaries needed laying again I immediately went into self-judgment mode. I should have known better, what did I do wrong, why can’t I learn my lesson, am I that awful…the list goes on. Fast forward two very whiny, self-pitying days and I am back to where I was before, feeling confident that I am a good person and that boundaries are in place to keep me that way. I have even found that it makes those around you better because they have a clear understanding of where you stand.
I learned, mostly through being a mother, that well-placed and well-kept boundaries are the best protection you can have against a world just itching to rock your boat. It doesn’t always look pretty and often people will respond in less-than-positive ways but that’s alright. I am a happier, more secure person because I learned how to manage my own circus. We all have some form of crazy, it’s just a matter of sharing it through a well-placed filter. Now go figure out how to give yourself a better day and I’ll chat with you again next week!
