November 20, 2023
By Casey Hoskins
Thanksgiving, football, kids playing in the leaves, shopping…these are all things associated with this time of year. These are all the postcard moments that we like to think of when Thanksgiving rolls around. Can I just add in something else that everyone thinks about but doesn’t necessarily talk about. Family awkwardness.
No worries! This, like all of my other articles, is an uplifting but honest one nonetheless. What I am talking about is that feeling that many of us get when it is time to leave our house and go spend hours with people we love but maybe we love more in smaller doses. I remember one Thanksgiving in particular at my parents house where I made the mistake of taking a nap after dinner. The kids were little, my husband worked long hours, and I was tired. I should preface this with the fact that my mom thinks naps are for weaklings. (Yeah, just soak that in for a minute.) So, back to the story, we had dinner, my kids were enjoying being doted on by all of the other family members, and I thought it would be okay to go to my old room and lay down for a bit. I could have been misreading those signs because when I came downstairs to rejoin the party I got a dirty ‘ol look from my mama. Nothing was said but I sure felt awkward the rest of the evening. Naps were a precious thing that I wasn’t allowed to have after the age of 5, but I thought since I was grown and had a family it would be okay. It wasn’t.
I smile every time I think of that memory… and take naps without worry of judgment. My mom may not have appreciated it, or was maybe jealous that I thought of it first (ha!), but it was my perception of it that did me in. The expectations I put on myself and perceive others putting on me are the worst. Oh, and the expectations I put on others but that is discussion for another time. If I am hurting or in a bad place I think the whole world knows and is judging me for it. Then I try to hide it and that makes me grouchy (put mildly) when the family around me believes my lie. I know I’m not alone in that last admission.
I bombed yesterday (we did an early Thanksgiving this year) but I am learning that sometimes being quiet and reclusive is better than the alternative. I was incredibly awkward, had a headache and chose to hide downstairs with my son, the only teenager present. I think I will always feel more comfortable around kids. Let’s not unpack that today. The day ended, I slept, and am still married. It’s the small things.
The point is that Thanksgiving is all of those postcard things, and it is all of the other stuff too. Try your best and if you have to go in the bathroom and give yourself a pep talk then do it. One tough day does not a crappy person make. Oh, and dollars to doughnuts, there are family members around you thinking/feeling the same things and will be awkwardly muddling through it same as you. I truly hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, eat too much and decide to take a nap!
